Random Nights
by mkmkmk
Summary: Card night! Thinking you have actual work tonight, Mike? Well, you are one lucky piece of sh- T for swearing. Five Nights at Freddy's is not mine, but Scott Cawthon's.


Mike Schmidt strode down the hallway of Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, his eyes darting between the silent animatronics and the office door of his boss, Jeremy Fazbear. Well, his name wasn't really Jeremy Fazbear. His name was Jeremy Fitsgerald, but every manager adopted the last name "Fazbear" when they took the job. Mike would've rolled his eyes and snorted if the animatronics weren't twenty feet away. He had learned his lesson yesterday to not underestimate the animatronics. Fuck, they could jump from one side of the building and back in less than three seconds! No joke. His palms were already sweating and throat was drying. He mentally smacked himself.

"It's not even your shift yet!" He muttered to himself harshly, before pausing and looking at the animatronics. Was Chica staring at him before, or was he conveniently standing in front of her? He licked his lips and scurried toward Jeremy's office. He quietly shut the door behind him, looking up to see Jeremy. Jeremy, studying papers on his desk as usual, made no sign or action to notify that he knew Mike was there. Mike knew better.

"Hello, Mike," Jeremy said with a sigh as he put down his stack of papers and smoothed back his black tousled hair. Mike nodded in greeting. Jeremy leaned forward.

"So! Third night! Having fun at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria?" Jeremy asked, smiling happily.

Oh God if only he knew how it felt to be hunted, Mike thought as he tried for a smile. He hoped it didn't look like a grimace. "Yes! Just so much fun!" He said with fake enthusiasm in his voice. Yeah, it's a lot of fun to be trapped in a room with only camera and two electronic doors to protect you from demonic sons of bitches that want to stuff you into a animatronic suit. Jeremy sighed with what seemed to be relief.

"That's good," he said, looking into Mike eyes, "You know Mike? I used to work at the pizzeria's old location." Mike lost the act as his eyes widened. Old location? Jeremy sighed again. "I was about your age when I took the security job. Just around 18 or 19. Damn, did I hate that place," he leaned back in his chair chuckling, "You, dear little Mikey, have to only watch the original four animatronics. But I had to take care of more than 10!" He started laughing. Then he said something about, "kids these days," but Mike didn't hear. He could only stare at Jeremy as if his boss had went and gone insane. He probably was. Mike decided to back out the door as Jeremy continued to be creepy and laugh.

Mike shook his head as he shut the door behind him. It's like this place is making everyone lose their minds. He sighed. If that was so, he was well on his way. Hell, he was starting to question reality. He checked his watch, gulping when he saw that his shift was only thirty minutes away. He glanced outside and saw it was rather dark out there. Welp, there goes his chance to get the fuck out. Jeremy had probably already started watching the perimeters and if he found Mike running away, he's going to fire him. Mike sighed. He needed the extra money to pay off some debt he had for accidentally smashing a window on some random car with a rock. Why did he take this crap job? He could've gotten more money washing dishes or delivering pizza for goodness sake!

He threw his hands up into the air, groaning as he reluctantly made his way to the security office. He sat slumped in his chair, staring blankly at the digital clock and listening to the dull whirring of the rusty metal fan in front of the small TV monitors. He watched sadly as the minutes tacked by until...

DEET, DEET, DEET.

He flinched. Fucking clock. He reached for his tablet, awaiting the phone call from Jeremy. It was his third night here. He hoped it would be like the first night or maybe even the second, but he knew that wouldn't happen no matter how much he prayed. He flicked through the cameras. Nothing out of place. The phone rang. Mike fought the instinct of reaching over to answer it because the calls were prerecorded and were only coming from a metal cupcake with eyes. Mike had always thought that cupcake was by far the creepiest of the things he'd seen during his time here. Then again... Chica and her rape face caused his mind to freeze, his stomach want to empty itself and made him want to sit in a corner and cry as he hugged a pillow.

"Well, if you're hearing this you made it to night three...uh...Congrats!" Came Jeremy's voice through the cupcake. As Jeremy's voice drawled on, drowned by the loud droning of the fan, Mike took to staring at the posters on the wall, imagining the animatronics were saying something absurd with those silly voices of theirs. Mike would've smiled if he hadn't checked the cameras and found that none of the animatronics were on the stage and the curtain to Pirate Cove was wide open. Mike's eye widened. He slammed each door shut without thinking.

"Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit..." He spluttered as he flashed by each camera again and again. What. The. Fuck!? A splash of color flashed across his vision and Mike switched back to the camera it had emanated from. Mike blinked stupidly at the screen. All the animatronics were sitting in the dining area...playing cards.

"Um..." Mike leaned back in his chair, confused greatly. Weren't they supposed to be trying to kill him? This just wasn't right. Foxy sat at the head of the table as the dealer and Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica were positioned around him for easy access to their cards. Mike turned on the audio for that camera so he could hear what was going on. The sound of cards being shuffled sounded and Mike tuned the volume a bit higher. Somehow, Foxy was air-shuffling with a metal hand and a hook, which looked as impossible as it sounds.

"Alrighty mateys! Let's starrrrt this!" Foxy said happily, shuffling the cards once more.

"Just pass out that damn cards, Foxy. You don't have to make it seem so dramatic," said Chica, rolling her eyes. Foxy glared at her.

"Well, why don't ye shuffle 'em? I'm sure since y'all actin' so impatient that ye know very well how ta shuffle 'em cards by yerself wi'out me to do 'em," he growled, throwing the cards toward Chica. Chica gasped as the deck hit her in the face and the cards went everywhere, but most slipped into her suit. Bonnie stood up and whacked both the fox and the chicken in the head.

"Break it up you two! Quit acting like children!" He hissed angrily. Foxy snorted, rubbing his jaw with his hook as he took out another deck of cards and began shuffling them. Chica was fuming and picking at the cards. Freddy remained silent but got up to clean up the other cards off the table. He moved around, pretending to get the ones that had fallen behind Chica, but he secretly slipped them until her suit. Bonnie caught sight of that and face-palmed. Bonnie didn't understand why Freddy does things like that but...Freddy has always been a mystery, but the bear had admitted that he thought Chica was really annoying and even Bonnie could agree to that. But she was still part of the band, and Foxy too, though Foxy was a whole different part of the show where the other three were just backgrounds. Bonnie knew why Foxy and Chica were at each other's throats from time to time. Something about Chica trolling Foxy about his laugh and then Foxy getting revenge.

Mike was still staring, loss for words. He watched as Bonnie sat back down and Foxy dealing out cards. Foxy paused a moment.

"21, Cat, or Poker?"

"21."

"Poker!"

"21."

"21 it is," Foxy said, smirking at Chica as he finished dealing out the cards. Chica blew a raspberry, then choked on one of the cards that fell into her system. By then, Mike was struggling to get his mouth off the floor. With slightly shaking hands, he opened the doors, flinching when a loud echo sounded through the buildings. Quickly, he looked back at the tablet in his hand. They hadn't moved.

"Bye guys! See ya tomorrow!" Jeremy's voice suddenly called. The robots simultaneously raised a hand before going back to their cards. Mike watched, absolutely dumbstruck, as his boss walked right by the animatronics and out the door, the bells jingling merrily. He didn't know what the hell happened next but somehow he seemed to magically appear in the left hallway, staring dumbly at the animatronics as Foxy shuffled his cards and dealed out another round. So far, Chica lost her beak to Foxy and continued to cough out cards, Freddy gave his hat to Bonnie, and some of Mike's belongings, which he'd probably left behind in a fearful frenzy to get out of the pizzeria, sat in the pot, ready to be won by the animatronics. Suddenly, Freddy glanced up.

"Oh! Hey, Mike!" Foxy's ears twitched up as each robotic animal realized they had a spectator. Mike didn't move. Foxy set down his cards, face-down so no one could see, and picked up the remaining cards from the original deck.

"C'mere matey! Arr, I'll deal ye in!"

"Uh..."

"Come on! Don't be shy!" Chica said, then gagged on another card.

"Yeah!" Mike scratched his neck, studying each animatronic closely. Their eyes were still their normal colors, not dark and scary in the slightest. Except for maybe Foxy's amber-eyes, because his eyes glowed in the dark, which was cool but altogether a little eerie. Mike reluctantly sat in the seat between Chica and Freddy and Foxy passed him a hand of cards. Mike scooted his chair back, taking his cards.

"Hit me. Pass."

"Pass."

"Hit me... Again."

"Um, pass?"

"I have crappy cards, anyone wanna trade?"

"Shut yer pot, Chica. Nobody wants ta hear yer birdshit."

"Go back to your poopdeck, you mangy dog!"

"Cool it guys, jeez," Bonnie muttered irritably. Mike suppressed a smile.

"Are they okay?" He asked Freddy out the corner of his mouth. The bear shook his head.

"They've been at each other's necks for a couple weeks now, all because Chica decided to diss Foxy while we were waiting for the children to arrive. Apparently, these halls echo much more than we previously thought."

"Ouch. Are they annoying to listen to whenever they get in a fight?"

"They don't fight very often, only when Foxy feels safe enough to wander the halls on Friday's and Sunday's. And it's rather entertaining to watch them get into insult wars."

"Huh." An uneasy silence settled over the dining room, causing Mike and Freddy to looked up and noticed everyone staring. Foxy and Chica looked especially pissed. Freddy snorted irritably, making everyone jump.

"Let's just play the goddamn game before I lose my temper," he grumbled, his metallic eyebrows narrowing as his eyes dimmed slightly. To dissolve the awkward silence that followed, Bonnie asked for another card and the game resumed.

"E'ryone passes?"

"Yeah."

"Yar! Lay 'em down!" Foxy slammed his cards face-up on the table. As if it were a silent challenge, Chica slammed hers down as well, coughing out a card, while the others gently set theirs down, Bonnie shaking his head, Freddy looking amused, and Mike still a little uncomfortable.

"Bust."

"20."

"Uh..."

"Dang it! Mike got 21!"

"A'right, he got that there leathery square o'er in the pot," Foxy said, picking up Mike's lost wallet from the pile, "I made sure Chica did naugh' to it, mate. Nothin' ta worry, yer cash is safe." He tossed it over and Mike caught it gratefully while everyone else gathered up their cards and gave it to the fox, who commenced to shuffling them. They played another round, which Mike again won and received his most treasured baseball cap. Bonnie complained about Mike's massive amount of luck, and everyone laughed. Bonnie pouted.

"Anyone wanna different game?" A chorus of 'yes's sounded over the rustling of the shuffling cards.

"You guys know how to play Scum?" Mike asked, placing his elbows on the table as an inquiring look came over his face. Bonnie, Freddy, and Foxy all nodded. Chica looked confused.

"Scum?" She asked, her right wing raised as she picked out more cards out of her mouth. Foxy groaned.

"It's tha' game Jeremy taugh' us last Card Night, remember ya flonky foul?" Chica obviously didn't pay heed to the insults, but nodded her head, hacking out another five cards.

"Yeah! I remember!"

"Then spread it out Foxy," Mike said, smiling. Chica was staring at him. He noticed her looking and stared back.

"You look nice when you smile, Mike. I don't I've had the chance to notice that yet," she said.

"Um..." Mike's face reddened, Foxy gagged as he spread the cards out across the table, Bonnie face-palmed again, and Freddy snickered. Chica looked embarrassed and looked away, sneezing out two more cards. Freddy took a card from the spread deck, the Bonnie, then everyone followed suit. One everyone picked, they laid their cards down.

"I got a two, I'm scum."

"Wait! I got a two too!"

"Ugh. Queen."

"Merchant."

"An' the alpha pirate got the ace to the king! Arr!"

"Well, I'm still scum, 'cause I just got another two."

"Yay! I'm not scum!"

"Yer still no' better than me ya gargantuan Tweety Bird," Foxy said smugly.

"SHUT UP FOXY!" Chica yelled, gagging mid-yell as a bunch of card got stuck in her throat. Foxy just laughed and gathered up the cards again, skillfully shuffling them. Mike watched, amazed, as the cards flew into each other while Foxy expertly shuffled, somehow managing it with only a hook and a hand. He dealed them out and the game begun. Bonnie groaned as her handed two cards over to Foxy, who gave back another two, and Chica slid Freddy a card who handed back a different one.

"You know, Foxy, you don't have to give me your shittiest cards right?" Bonnie asked, frowning at his cards. Foxy shrugged, waving his hand of cards like a fan towards himself.

"Well, a greedy dog like me wants ta win me some booty. I rather like that gold watch there," Foxy said airily, giving the bunny a sharp-toothed grin, before eying Jeremy's watch. Bonnie glanced at it, then snorted distastefully.

"I can't believe you stole that from Jeremy's office just for Card Night, Fred. Very mature." Freddy shrugged carelessly. Foxy chuckled.

"Dinnae worry, I'll take care of it real good. Besides, we all know it's as good as mine anyway." Foxy grinned sharply. Mike smirked.

"You so sure?" Mike asked. Foxy's challenging amber eyes shifted over to Mike. The fox let out a sudden barrel of laughter.

"Finally! Some competition! Arr, what a fine night it is!" Foxy exclaimed, his expression competitive. Mike looked down at his cards and arranged them strategically.

"Bring it on, you mangy dog!" Mike laughed. Chica seemed to get bit excited by that, but no one noticed because nobody cared. Foxy started the game with doubles, which followed up until Mike ended it with double aces. Foxy snorted. Freddy and Mike had many doubles in their hands so they got rid of mostly all their cards. Freddy had one card left, while Mike had three. Looking victorious, Mike set down triple fours and leaned back in his chair, grabbed the gold watch and examining his prize.

Everyone had passed on the fours and the person to play next was the merchant, Freddy, who set down his only card, a jack, and took the slot for queen. Foxy looked both pissed and pleased. Pissed because he lost his damn king seat to a human.

"Lucky landlubber..." he muttered, his annoyance smothered by a approving smirk. Foxy quickly took the merchant place by laying down quad twos then double jacks. Bonnie had played double queens when Chica passed, but Foxy ended it with the other two aces. Now it was down to Chica and Bonnie, but even though Chica had cheated by looking at Bonnie's cards, Bonnie still outplayed her even though he had already gotten rid of his good cards.

"Bonnie! Why didn't you let me win? A gentlemen would've let a girl beat him in cards y'know." Bonnie rolled his eyes.

"I'm a purple robot bunny, not a gentleman."

"But still-"

"One more game?" Mike piped up, cutting through Chica's whining.

"Yeah, why not? Only an hour or so left till six," Bonnie said, glancing at the clock on the nearby wall.

Again, Mike won the game, but Foxy was no longer too angry after he regained some of his lost stature by moving up to queen after outplaying Freddy. The next round, Mike got unlucky cards and was moved back down to merchant as Bonnie somehow sped up to king and Foxy remained queen. Chica, being the most unskilled at cards, stayed in scum the rest of the night, constantly whining and complaining and just being annoying in general. So annoying the author didn't want to write about her anymore, because she played Five Nights at Freddy's, and while it was always Bonnie that killed her, she found Chica the most annoying piece of crap in the universe because of her stupid antics in the kitchen. I mean seriously. What the hell is that chicken doing in there? Screwing with pots and pans? Seriously?

So a random lightning bolt struck her and she crumbled to ashes, while everyone else continued to play cards without noticing a rod of light hotter than the sun spouting from shear nothingness and murdering their band mate.

Anyway...

Mike heard the sudden dinging of the clock in the security office and he watched as the three animatronics present stiffen and set down their cards.

"Well, time's up! That was fun, right guys?" Bonnie asked, beginning to leave for the stage. The others nodded. Mike dug his hand into his pocket, jingling his car keys reassuringly. Foxy gathered up the cards and yawned. That took Mike by surprise. He didn't know robots yawned. Freddy was staring at something on the ground, but he shrugged his shoulders and waved goodbye to Mike as he followed Bonnie to the stage. As Mike turned to leave, a hook caught his shoulder and turned him to face a grinning fox.

"We have a card nigh's e'ry other week. Jeremy's time's almost up so I can only assume ye'll be walkin' the plank soon enough, boy. But even when yer off doin' somethin' else, will ye swing by e'ry now and then ta play cards?" Foxy asked, amber eyes hopeful, "Tonigh' was the most eventful card nigh' us animatronics have e'er had. I mean, because you joined, Fred and Bon actually did somethin' instead of jus' lettin' me win. So waddaya say? Will ya do it fer yer ol' fox friend?" Foxy's sharp-toothed grin turned into a small hopeful smile. His eyes seemed to get more sparkly and his ear lowered. Mike was immediately reminded of how his dog begs for extra kibble to eat during meals. Mike sighed and nodded. Foxy looked happy and said goodbye, before hurrying to his cove.

Mike sighed again and walked out the door to his car, then drove home.

* * *

 **Yo, sup guys. I don't know why I wrote this but I guess it was just something to work on when I was stuck on Remade. And if you're wondering why there is so much Chica hate in this; that chicken is my least favorite animatronic in the series. Ugly, foul, rotten bird, die in hell. I also dislike freaking Mangle. Gah, Mangle you're so annoying with your stupid screeching and hangin' around. Balloon Boy is stupid too, but BonBon I guess is okay...**

 **Stay cool bruhs**

 **I might continue this with another Random Night!**


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